Just about one month ago (June 15), I created a few goals for myself. They were:
1. To continue my binge free streak
2. To continue to track my calories without becoming obsessive
3. To continue to lose approximately one pound a week, but not to allow this goal to dictate my entire life. If it happens more slowly, that is fine. I just want the general trend to be downward.
4. To increase my exercise intensity. I would like to work running back into the mix. My current plan is to run 2-5 minutes (whatever feels right; no less than 2 and no more than 5 on the first day) at a 10:30 min/mile pace and to increase my running time by one minute each day. The rest of the time will be spent walking and watching The Americans :)
Update:
1. I have now been binge free for another month! This means I have not binged since May 10 2016. This alone is a huge accomplishment for me given how unable I felt to control my binging episodes.
2. I have been able to continue to track my calories. In fact, I have a 41 day streak of logging everything on MyFitnessPal. More importantly, I have been able to do this without becoming obsessive or beating myself up about perceived failures. So far, at least, I have been able to use it as a tool for mindful eating, and not as a tool to confirm my lack of self worth. A small (big, huge) thing.
3. My current weight is 150.4. That means I have only lost 1.2 lbs. in the last month. And, oddly, I am okay with that. The re-establishment of healthy eating habits and positive self regard are what matter to me here. I have also become aware of how much my weight fluctuates. I am not sure if this has to do with sodium intake, exercise patterns, PMS, or what, but I can fluctuate nearly five pounds over the course of a week/ten days. So, all I am really looking for is a downward trend. And that is happening. Most importantly, that is happening without unhealthy behaviors. I continue to do my best to overestimate my calorie intake and underestimate my exercise calories burned. I have been mixing in some weighing/measuring of food and ingredients when possible in order to get more accurate calorie counts. I am wary of this as creating sustainable practices is my goal. I cannot determine how many ounces of hummus I am eating when I am at a party or out to dinner. And, if food returns to being a chore and punishment, as opposed to one of life's pleasures (along with a million other things), then I might be thin, but I will not be happy. And a joy filled life is what I want!
4. I worked running back into my exercise mix! I started with a 5 min run at a 10:30 min/mile pace (that is 5.7 on a treadmill) and then spent the remainder of the hour doing a 3.7 pace at a 5.0 incline. Today I ran 18 mins at the same pace. I have set a few plateau points (every additional five minutes) where I hold that pace for a few days to establish endurance. So, when I hit 15, I kept that speed for three days and then returned to increasing by one minute on the 4th day. I will do the same when I hit 20, 25 etc. I am also doing exercise that I don't think of as exercise (hiking with my husband, just walking to do errands etc.). I have definitely missed days of working out, but not out of a desire to avoid it; life has just intervened. Those times have been planned (I have looked ahead at my calendar and seen that I would be working early AND late; would have a lot of kid activities etc. etc.) and that has been fine. I have not had a day where I just skipped working out because I did not feel like it. I need to look back at my calendar, but I think I have worked out 20 of the last 30 days. Again, some of those days have not been treadmill days, but something like a 7-10 mile hike. I do not count the days where I take a walk to do errands etc.
My plan is to continue to work on all of the above goals with a few adjustments:
1. Continue my binge free streak
2. Track calories without becoming obsessive. I will reduce my calorie allotment to reflect my increased exercise (exercise calories get added to your MFP goal). I will experiment with greater accuracy in calorie counting (weighing/measuring) but I will stop immediately if it starts to become obsessive.
3. Continue to lose weight at a pace that keeps me sane and happy. This is not a diet. It is my life.
4. Increase my exercise intensity by increasing the incline for my walk portion to 6 or 6.5. I will maintain the 1% incline for my runs and continue to add run time.
I cannot tell you how much happier I am now than I was just a few short months ago. The weight of secrecy and shame is so heavy. Not binging means not having to hide.
